I got a decent grade on my original essay, so I just assumed it was well written. Re-reading it after all this time has led me to realize it was a nightmare. There was no hook, the punctuation was out of place, and I didn’t explain my points. Aside from that, it was messy and difficult to read. After making a few changes, I’d have to say that it’s become a pretty decent essay.
I rewrote the entire first paragraph to make my thesis clearer and to add an exciting hook. Now, instead of thinking this essay is going to be a boring summary of an ordinary political movement, the reader is excited to hear about a revolutionary group of reformers. This huge difference was made just by changing the first sentence. By stating the essay is going to be about Hemingway’s life in the first paragraph (which I failed to do before), the reader knows why I start going off on a tangent about Hemingway’s childhood. It eliminates a ton of confusion.
Besides eliminating some useless deadwood, I didn’t need to make many changes to the body paragraphs. However, my conclusion was the worst part of the entire essay. I have an annoying habit of separating paragraphs too early, which caused there to be 3 conclusion paragraphs containing 4 or less sentences in this essay. Because there were so many, I couldn’t figure out where my conclusion started. I merged the paragraphs together and threw in some coordinating conjunctions to make it “flow”. The essay was so much easier to understand.
I’ve learned to pay more attention to what I’m writing through revising this essay. I had some great points but I couldn’t get them across to the reader because my paper was disorganized and had no personality. It’s amazing what adding a hook and merging paragraphs can do!
